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March 16, 2005

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For sale on eBay:

YOU ARE BIDDING ON MY DAUGHTERS MONSTER. THIS MONSTER ONLY LIKES TO COME OUT WHEN MY DAUGHTER GOES TO BED. WHEN HE DOES, BOY DOES HE SCARE HER! SHE CAN HEAR HIM GROWLING , EATING THE TOYS, AND WHATEVER ELSE HE CAN GET HIS CLAWS INTO UNDER HER BED. I'VE SPENT MANY HOURS WITH HER TRYING TO HELP HER FALL ASLEEP AND WHEN SHE FINALLY DOES, IT'S NORMALLY NOT LONG BEFORE HE'S GOT HER UP, AGAIN. MY SLEEPY LITTLE ANGEL TELLS ME ALL ABOUT HOW HE WOKE HER UP AND MADE A BIG MESS IN HER ROOM. AND SHE'LL REFUSE TO GO BACK IN THERE. BUT WHO CAN BLAME HER, I'VE NEVER PERSONALLY SEEN HIM, BUT FROM WHAT SHE'S TOLD ME...HE'S SCARY! I PROMISED HER THAT I WOULD CATCH HIM AND MY TRAP WOULD GET HIM OUT OF OUR HOME FOREVER! MY DAUGHTER BEING AS SWEET AS SHE IS, DIDN'T WANT HIM GOING OUT IN THE COLD ALL ALONE, SO WE DECIDED TOGETHER, AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT, WE'D FIND HIM A GOOD HOME TO GO TO. WELL, WE FINALLY DID IT! AFTER MANY NIGHTS OF TRYING TO TRICK HIM (AND BELIEVE ME IT WAS HARD), WE CAUGHT HIM IN THIS BAG. MY DAUGHTER WANTED HIM TO HAVE THIS NICE SOFT CLOTH TO SLEEP IN (HOW GREAT IS SHE? AFTER EVERYTHING THIS MONSTER'S DONE TO HER, SHE STILL WANTS HIM TO BE COMFORTABLE). BTW, I CAUGHT HIM BY USING A TRAIL OF BREAD CRUMBS LEADING HIM RIGHT INTO THE BAG WITH A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH INSIDE. I SNATCHED UP THE BAG AND ZIPPED IT CLOSED. NOW THAT HE'S FULL (I DON'T BELIEVE THERE'S ANY SANDWICH LEFT, SORRY) AND HAS NO ONE TO TERRORIZE IN THERE, HES FAST ASLEEP. MY DAUGHTER DREW A PICTURE OF HIM SO YOU HAVE THE BEST IDEA OF WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. WHOEVER WINS THIS AUCTION WILL RECEIVE THE BAG, THE CLOTH HE'S SLEEPING IN, AND MY DAUGHTER'S PERSONAL DRAWING OF HIM. THIS WAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LET HIM OUT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. PLEASE, I'VE WARNED YOU ABOUT THE PROBLEMS THIS MONSTER CAUSES. DON'T BID IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE RESPONSIBILITY (EXTRA MESSES, MISSING CLOTHES/TOYS, AND MORE THEN ENOUGH "BUMPS IN THE NIGHT" TO KEEP YOU AWAKE). THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR TAKING THIS MONSTER OFF OUR HANDS AND OUT OF MY LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM.

Currently the bid is at $101.78, but there's four more days left. In case your were worried, there is an optional shipping insurance for $3.20.

Posted by Danny Carlton at March 16, 2005 10:20 AM

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